janey waney

1. I trust you’re going to be good and study hard, haha. Make mama & daddy proud and enjoy senior year. Stop being such a nerd and just enjoy life. If you enjoy studying then…you get the best of both worlds, no pun intended LOL.
2. I lava you so much. You’re like my bffl and I hope you also enjoy senior year. Focus but also have fun. Don’t hype it because I hyped it and it was uberly boring. Also, trust in God. He has great plans for you. :) I know it. and I’ll find you a hottay at stony. ;)
3. You…. Man up and if people bother you tell them why and do something about it. Don’t be a biotch like me but people can’t read your minds and sometimes they don’t know what they’re doing. Be strong. Also, I hope you can trust in God and keep praying. You can be such a strong person, I promise.
4. You really piss me off and you’ve changed so much. I don’t know if we’re ever gonna talk again or see each other again. We’ll see where life leads us but I miss the old you.
5. You’re a smart girl. Stop worrying so much and trust in God. I’m being a hypocrite cause I can’t but I don’t want your grades and hard work to go to waste. But if it comes down to settling for city schools, make the best out of it. I know you have a lot of potential and you’re going to be so successful. Don’t forget God though… And be nice to your brother, LOL. I also hope you can trust me and really lean on me because I feel like you’re similar to me in the sense we both can’t trust people with our deepest stuff. But you do need someone (I mean I do too but I’m weird) and I hope you can turn to me. You’ve become an important person to me and I really love you and your cute ears, LOL. :)
6. Don’t be hurt anymore. I wish God can perform a miracle on you and “fix” you. I love you and I promise you, I’ll make you proud in the future.
7. I’m sorry for everything. I hurt you recently with my words but I didn’t mean much. I’m just bitter and upset at everything. Please don’t take it to heart.
8. It’s hard to say but I do love you a lot and it’s really hard to show you it. You won’t read this but I want to treat you better. I’m sorry.
9. I wish you knew God and didn’t stop going to church. You’ve become an amazing person but you can’t forget who helped you through all that. It was God and I’d hate to see all of us in Heaven without you. I hope you can eventually open up your heart to God.
10. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I can’t trust You. I wish I could but opening up my heart to people and trusting someone 110% is impossible for me. I need to change and I really do but I don’t know where to start… I just hope it’s never too late…

I’m definitely going to miss NYMC the most. Serving the praise team, laughing with my family, feeling each other’s pains, praying for one another, getting angry at circumstances, and etc. I guess I never really understood how NYMC was a huge part of my life.

Praise team members, I don’t know if you’re going to read this or if anyone in NYMC will read this but I hope you guys know I really enjoyed praising with you guys. Every one of you is so talented and so special to me in my life. Even though we might not have been so close or talked a lot you guys were really a huge part of my life. Praising with you guys especially during my last couple of months was a blessing. I never understood how precious it really is and how much of a blessing it is and I hope you guys can understand soon enough.

I know I’m not gone forever but you guys are really lucky to be leading praise up there. I love you guys so much and just because there’s no drums doesn’t mean you can’t be a band. You guys are all talented enough without the drums. :) I love you guys and I mean it when I say I’m going to miss you guys the most. Church is so important to me and should be important to you guys too. Every Sunday I miss I will definitely be missing each of you guys and I hope we can always keep in touch.

<3<3

I really wish none of this could’ve happened. You would’ve stayed my best friend, you would’ve stayed the love of my life. I hate this quote but I guess it’s right — “shit happens.” I never wanted this to happen, believe me. I never wanted to lose you and i wasn’t ready to let go and I’m not sure if I am ready. Losing you happened in a snap. I miss you so much and all of what we had. I still think about you and remember all the good memories we shared. Why’s it so hard to let go?

But what can we do? Unfortunately, shit happened and now we’re going our separate ways. Good luck to you in everything you do. Be safe and careful always. 

I was so anxious to go to school but now I’m eagerly awaiting the 27th. I’m so fed up with the bullshit and this drama. I shouldn’t have to feel the way I do because we’re not in JHS anymore. 

Growing up is so fucking difficult. Fuck you, fuck them, fuck this shit.

Wow, in one week I’m going to be living on my own. I’ll be doing my own laundry, I’ll be doing what I want to do, I’ll come “home (bka my dorm room)” whenever I’d like, I’ll be under no supervision, I’ll have unlimited freedom.

It sounds tempting and slightly thrilling but I’m scared. I was excited at first but as the days come closer and closer I get more anxious.

I’m going to miss my friends so much. I know I’m not far but all my friends are in the city and I’m in the middle of a forest in Long Island. Most of all, I’m going to miss my church so much. They’re my second family and I’ve been at that church for all my life. In my life I’d say I missed maybe 5 Sunday services. College is going to increase that number and I’m going to miss spending my Friday-Sunday at NYMC. 

I’m going to miss my family. I guess up until the month of August I’ve learned to appreciate all the work my mom puts for the family. She does 5 people’s laundry, feeds five people, cleans a house, and takes care of all of us. My dad works long hours 6 days a week on his own and makes just enough. I’m going to miss being with my crazy and annoying family. I guess you never really understand how precious your family is. 

On the bright side, I’ll learn how to take care of myself and be an adult…

I honestly don’t think I can learn to trust anyone. I think it’s the most difficult thing in the world. 

I lost trust for so many people and I think I’m gonna be keeping a lot of people out of my life once school starts. I’m not proud of it but I don’t think I need them.

God help me…

I think I’m gonna fail my road test next week… Bleh.

I haven’t wrote in my tumblr for so long. I’ve been so lazy with my 30 day challenge and just doing anything with my tumblr.

Well, I’ve had a pretty fun/tiring week. VBS was a success! The kids loved my games although a few were very bitter and had a nasty attitude. -_- It was so tiring but I had such a great time seeing the kids get so blessed.

Then, I had my first driving lesson. It was so fun driving!!!! I hope I don’t fail my test…

Then, I ordered my macbook pro and I’m so excited to get it!!! Hopefully, it lives up to my expectations and it doesn’t break or anything……. x_x I doubt it though….

1. burts bee
2. wallet
3. mirror
4. tampons
5. ipod + earphones
6. pens
7. camera
8. sunglasses
9. keys

Dear Mommy & Daddy,

I’m sorry I’m a terrible daughter and I didn’t live up to your expectations. I’m not perfect but I’m going to try. I hope you didn’t lose complete faith in me because I’m determined to do spectacularly in college. 

And although I’m supposed to honor you, I am not becoming a doctor or a nurse or whatever you want me to become. I’m going to do what He wants me to do and I hope you can respect my decision.

I’m sorry I disappoint you guys time to time but I’m just growing up and you’re not accepting it. It’s gonna get harder to let go of your baby girl but I hope you guys know that even though I’ll be grown up, I’ll still need you guys. So I hope that makes you guys feel better.

When I’m rich, I swear your lives will be so much easier. I’m going to buy you guys a house like I’ve been promising since I was 5 years old. You guys are going to be the happiest elders and grandparents in the world. 

But until then, I hope you guys can stay strong physically, spiritually, and mentally and hang in there. God has a plan for you guys and I hope you guys never lose faith in that.

I’m not really sure but if I had to name a few qualities I’d say:

1. I’m a Christian.
2. I’m a girl drummer.
3. I don’t let people boss me around.

Idk, lmao.

Stony will cost me $8989 for Fall semester.
Financial aid costs $8770.75.
I already made a deposit of $530.

$8989 - 530 - 8770.75 = $-311.75.

Stony owes me money. Fuck yeaaaaaaaaaah!